Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Dating: Breaking Up ...

My first post on dating starts with notes on breaking up! What an omen ... I don't know how people do it, but breaking up is hard! It sucks both ways - when you have to dump someone, or when you get dumped. I've had my fair share of both experiences, and I'd hate to put anyone through it. I'm tough, I say, because I can easily shrug off a relationship and move on. But by the time I actually get to do the deed, I find out that I care about this person a lot. I procrastinate, drag it out, and continue to lead her on.
Is there ever a good way to break up? Some things I've done:
#1. Stop communicating: you hope she'll get it that you are no longer interested.
#2. Give her a reason to dump you: so you don't have to do the deed yourself. She'll feel better that she got the final word.
#3. The friends corner: guys also have it. Very few friendships of this nature last at all, so you know she won't be around long. As Chris Rock rightly said it, women hate women - she won't stand your next girl.
#4. Being too busy: although I've really been busy sometimes to maintain relationships, there are times I used busyness to sabotage relationships. It works all the time because I really am busy.
These are all mean ways, I know, but no one ever gets schooled in the proper way to break up. Experts suggest that you be completely honest, avoid dating other girls until you complete the breakup, don't do it in a public place, write down what you feel, don't feel guilty, and don't pick a fight. All these are more work for a dirty deed, making it understandable that most people would rather do the mean-4.
The bottomline is this though: it's in both your interest to end the relationship cleanly. For me, most of the girls are people I encounter daily (at church, work, school, etc), so as good as a breakup can be, I try my best. Plus, your ex probably knows you better than your other friends, so why not stick around if only to prevent airing your dirty laundry or for some understanding when you really need to say something?
Oh, and remember to get all your stuff from her - including music, movies, books, and most importantly, money. Once it's over, you'll never see these things again - unless she's a nice girl.

1 comment:

liz said...

so is this about some specific chick lately?? :O) hey, it's liz
I'm sorry, I don't have any time whatsoever, I am sorry about that, but we'll talk as soon as I can- maybe tomorrow? :O) -liz